Rohit: If you want a skate park, y'all should ask Gavin. I'm not going to help build you one. (One of our lessons dealt with electing a mayor who campaigned on building a skatepark—c'mon, this is second grade.)
Student 1: Who's Gavin?
Student 2: He's the mayor, stupid!
Student 1: Oh, I thought he was dead.
Rohit: He'll be dead in the water once my roommate announces his candidacy.
Class: What?!
Rohit: Nevermind
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Foreshadowing
Today I taught my final class for Junior Achievement (more on this later on the Realm), but I thought I'd share a funny dialog from today's class:
Life on the Edge
This morning, I drove to work. Now, my commute is usually about 45 minutes, especially given the congestion at the Fell/Octavia intersection and the bridge traffic. However, probably due to my above-normal aggressive driving today, I was flying by all the cars and was already on the East Bay side of the Bay Bridge within 20 minutes. Crazy, eh? Well, not as crazy as driving over the newly reconstructed I-580 connector.
In case you didn't hear, a portion of the highway collapsed a few weeks ago during a truck accident. The contractors cleaned out the section and replaced the collapsed section not days, but WEEKS in advance. Not to knock on them, but isn't that a bit too fast? Did someone test the highway? When it reopened, I thought about how I'll let a few thousand cars test the connector before I went ahead and drove on it.
Of course, my vision of trying it a few weeks from now went out the window as I suddenly realized that I was heading up the I-580 ramp. My pulse accelerated. I thought about whether i should accelerate just in case the portion collapsed again.... I mean, if they did it in "Speed" with a bus, I'm sure my Corolla can handle a little jump. I saw the 165-foot stretch of new concrete. It seemed to stretch into eternity.
But before I knew it, I was already past it and on the 580. I saw the familiar sights from the highway, namely the Best Buy in Emeryville. I shrugged and continued on my journey. I knew it was going to be a good day.
In case you didn't hear, a portion of the highway collapsed a few weeks ago during a truck accident. The contractors cleaned out the section and replaced the collapsed section not days, but WEEKS in advance. Not to knock on them, but isn't that a bit too fast? Did someone test the highway? When it reopened, I thought about how I'll let a few thousand cars test the connector before I went ahead and drove on it.
Of course, my vision of trying it a few weeks from now went out the window as I suddenly realized that I was heading up the I-580 ramp. My pulse accelerated. I thought about whether i should accelerate just in case the portion collapsed again.... I mean, if they did it in "Speed" with a bus, I'm sure my Corolla can handle a little jump. I saw the 165-foot stretch of new concrete. It seemed to stretch into eternity.
But before I knew it, I was already past it and on the 580. I saw the familiar sights from the highway, namely the Best Buy in Emeryville. I shrugged and continued on my journey. I knew it was going to be a good day.
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
What's Cooler Than Cool? Ice Cold!
Melinda visited my class yesterday and asked a student to tell her a secret about me.
The student said, "Mr. Sharp is mean! His heart is made out of ice!" To which Melinda responded, "That's not a secret. Everyone knows that."
What have I become? I'm turning into Rohit.
PS. Melinda says, "Actually, Rohit likes sea otters. You're WORSE than Rohit."
The student said, "Mr. Sharp is mean! His heart is made out of ice!" To which Melinda responded, "That's not a secret. Everyone knows that."
What have I become? I'm turning into Rohit.
PS. Melinda says, "Actually, Rohit likes sea otters. You're WORSE than Rohit."
Anything Less Would Be Uncivilized
I don't think my students know what deodorant is...
Student: Mr. Sharp, are you wearing cologne?
Me: No, of course not.
Student: Oh, you smell really nice today.
Me: Thanks! (It's rare that a student says something nice about me). I'm not wearing cologne, but I am wearing deodorant.
The Entire Class: EEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (In the loud, annoying way that only a class of 5th graders could do).
WTF!?
Either my class doesn't know what deodorant is (scary thought), or they were playing a mean mean joke on me. And yes, I did write mean twice on purpose - that's how mean it was.
Student: Mr. Sharp, are you wearing cologne?
Me: No, of course not.
Student: Oh, you smell really nice today.
Me: Thanks! (It's rare that a student says something nice about me). I'm not wearing cologne, but I am wearing deodorant.
The Entire Class: EEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (In the loud, annoying way that only a class of 5th graders could do).
WTF!?
Either my class doesn't know what deodorant is (scary thought), or they were playing a mean mean joke on me. And yes, I did write mean twice on purpose - that's how mean it was.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Dangerous Minds
Last Friday, I took the day off work and went to Phil's school to teach. Now I know you loyal readers (all two of you) just read that last statement and did a double take. I mean, G-Unit... teaching? Isn't this the same guy who got HECKLED while performing community service at a senior citizens home? Well, yes. Phil and I have been talking about making a guest appearance in the class for a long time... probably since he first started teaching. With my imminent departure to the East Coast and the end of the school year, I thought what better time than now to go ahead and make this happen.
A few days before Teaching Day, Phil sent me the following agenda for the day:
8-8:25: Journal
8:25-8:45: Religion
8:45-9: Spelling Test
9-9:50: WHATEVER WE WANT
9:50-10:15: Recess
10:25-11:10: Music upstairs with the music teacher
11:10-12:15 WHATEVER WE WANT
12:15-1: Lunch
1-1:20: Silent Reading
1:20-2:15: WHATEVER WE WANT
2:15-2:45: Party with UC Berkeley grad student Cindy
2:45-3: Pack up and go home
I had three one-hour blocks to fill. Given the recent intake of steroids I've been taking, I decided that we needed to put in a game of kickball. So that was one hour. After riffing with my boss, I decided to fill the other two hours with a "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" quiz and a "Let's Make a Deal" demonstration, which would hit a little bit of my statistical background. I figured by the end of the day, the kids would want me to be the teacher and not Mr. Phil. It'd be easy.
Well, of course, it wasn't quite as easy as it sounded.
We rolled into the school around 7 am. This is around the time when I normally get up and hit the snooze button. As we talked into the class room, I had Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" in the back of my head. Although I forgot my jean jacket, I was ready.
The Morning
The morning started off well. Before classes began, I was just looking around in the hallway and a few students came up to me and asked if I was Mr. Sharp's roommate. I didn't realize there was so much hype to the visit.
The early highlight was during a spelling game where we went around the classroom spelling various words coming from their spelling quiz. If you were the person after a word is successfully spelled out, you had to sink a basket in the Nerf basketball net or you'd get knocked out. Towards the end of the game, I was facing a do-or-die foul shot and sank it. I pumped my first in the air like Baron Davis and went back to play.
"Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"
In the morning, Phil and I prepared a series of questions on various topics, ranging from math to religion. The game was played Jeopardy style and The Class and I switched off picking topics. The questions ranged from very easy to pretty hard stuff. One thing I was blown away by was how competitive these kids were. It got so heated that they started turning on each other. I pulled a Shoeless Joe and started tanking the game. It hurt my ego a lot and I kept it close... but there was no way I could face the possibility of what would happen if I had in fact won.
"Let's Make a Deal"
Originally, I wanted to do a "Deal or No Deal" game. After pitching this to my boss at work, she suggested the Monty Hall problem and I thought that was a fabulous idea. We got a projector working and recorded the statistics. Most amazing moment? The students started to piece together what was going on and eventually came to the correct solution to the problem. Most hilarious moment? I was trying to wrap up the whole segment, so I decided to babble about how "statistics can help everyone in so many ways and maybe you can do this for a living too when you grow up." I think Phil was ready to puke.
Kickball, Lunch, and Recess
I remember exactly the last time I played kickball. It was a few weeks before moving to CA when I was working part time as a band camp counselor. I was the automatic pitcher and we played rules where if you hit a person with the ball, they were out. Well, the last play I ever made was when the ball went straight back at me, I picked up the ball, and chucked it at the student. It hit that person so hard that they fell to the ground.
I mention this story as full disclosure so you know how conflicted I was to return to the mound. And after a few batters, the ball went back to me again and I had an opportunity to get a runner at second out. I caught up to the kid and lightly threw the ball at the kid to get him out. The kid did not fall. Instead, he started complaining to Mr. Sharp about how I threw the ball at him and it hurt. Of course, Mr. Sharp had my back and told the kid to sit down. I love it. Collusion.
The End
At the end of the day, we had a party for student teacher. The kids were jacked up with candy, sweets, pie, and cake. It was crazy. Think of the last time you dealt with a kid on sugar high. Well, multiple that by 13. It was all good though and I'm glad that in the end, no one cried or got hurt.
So there was my day of teaching. I learned two things. First, it's freakin' hard to teach. I have much more respect for Phil and other teachers who do this day in and day out. Second, I'm still smarter than a fifth grader. VICTORY!!!!!
A few days before Teaching Day, Phil sent me the following agenda for the day:
8-8:25: Journal
8:25-8:45: Religion
8:45-9: Spelling Test
9-9:50: WHATEVER WE WANT
9:50-10:15: Recess
10:25-11:10: Music upstairs with the music teacher
11:10-12:15 WHATEVER WE WANT
12:15-1: Lunch
1-1:20: Silent Reading
1:20-2:15: WHATEVER WE WANT
2:15-2:45: Party with UC Berkeley grad student Cindy
2:45-3: Pack up and go home
I had three one-hour blocks to fill. Given the recent intake of steroids I've been taking, I decided that we needed to put in a game of kickball. So that was one hour. After riffing with my boss, I decided to fill the other two hours with a "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" quiz and a "Let's Make a Deal" demonstration, which would hit a little bit of my statistical background. I figured by the end of the day, the kids would want me to be the teacher and not Mr. Phil. It'd be easy.
Well, of course, it wasn't quite as easy as it sounded.
We rolled into the school around 7 am. This is around the time when I normally get up and hit the snooze button. As we talked into the class room, I had Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" in the back of my head. Although I forgot my jean jacket, I was ready.
The Morning
The morning started off well. Before classes began, I was just looking around in the hallway and a few students came up to me and asked if I was Mr. Sharp's roommate. I didn't realize there was so much hype to the visit.
The early highlight was during a spelling game where we went around the classroom spelling various words coming from their spelling quiz. If you were the person after a word is successfully spelled out, you had to sink a basket in the Nerf basketball net or you'd get knocked out. Towards the end of the game, I was facing a do-or-die foul shot and sank it. I pumped my first in the air like Baron Davis and went back to play.
"Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"
In the morning, Phil and I prepared a series of questions on various topics, ranging from math to religion. The game was played Jeopardy style and The Class and I switched off picking topics. The questions ranged from very easy to pretty hard stuff. One thing I was blown away by was how competitive these kids were. It got so heated that they started turning on each other. I pulled a Shoeless Joe and started tanking the game. It hurt my ego a lot and I kept it close... but there was no way I could face the possibility of what would happen if I had in fact won.
"Let's Make a Deal"
Originally, I wanted to do a "Deal or No Deal" game. After pitching this to my boss at work, she suggested the Monty Hall problem and I thought that was a fabulous idea. We got a projector working and recorded the statistics. Most amazing moment? The students started to piece together what was going on and eventually came to the correct solution to the problem. Most hilarious moment? I was trying to wrap up the whole segment, so I decided to babble about how "statistics can help everyone in so many ways and maybe you can do this for a living too when you grow up." I think Phil was ready to puke.
Kickball, Lunch, and Recess
I remember exactly the last time I played kickball. It was a few weeks before moving to CA when I was working part time as a band camp counselor. I was the automatic pitcher and we played rules where if you hit a person with the ball, they were out. Well, the last play I ever made was when the ball went straight back at me, I picked up the ball, and chucked it at the student. It hit that person so hard that they fell to the ground.
I mention this story as full disclosure so you know how conflicted I was to return to the mound. And after a few batters, the ball went back to me again and I had an opportunity to get a runner at second out. I caught up to the kid and lightly threw the ball at the kid to get him out. The kid did not fall. Instead, he started complaining to Mr. Sharp about how I threw the ball at him and it hurt. Of course, Mr. Sharp had my back and told the kid to sit down. I love it. Collusion.
The End
At the end of the day, we had a party for student teacher. The kids were jacked up with candy, sweets, pie, and cake. It was crazy. Think of the last time you dealt with a kid on sugar high. Well, multiple that by 13. It was all good though and I'm glad that in the end, no one cried or got hurt.
So there was my day of teaching. I learned two things. First, it's freakin' hard to teach. I have much more respect for Phil and other teachers who do this day in and day out. Second, I'm still smarter than a fifth grader. VICTORY!!!!!
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